Do you ever try and get down to have some sexy time with yourself?

Trail a hand up your leg.

Wee rub of the nips.

Just to feel a sadness like never before wash over your whole entire being.

“Maybe you should just kill yourself”-the thought gremlin in your head whispers.

“Nah”-I say.- “I just wanted a wee bit of sexy time to make me feel okay, good even…I’m not gonna kill myself over that, that’s stupid”.

“Maybe you should kill yourself because you’re so far behind in life-everyone else has put down the weed and is getting on with their life. You need to get a grip”-the thought gremlin muttered again.

“Objectively that’s not true”. 

“You’re lying to me to make me feel bad”. 

“I know, and you used to listen”.- The thought gremlin grumbled indignantly.

“You still hurt my feelings that’s for sure”, I said as I looked down at its impatient face, all puckered like in the perpetual state of sucking on a lemon. “I probably shouldn’t tell you that but you do. You’re so good at hurting my feelings-it’s a real talent you’ve got, somewhere between the gift of the gab and schoolyard bully. You could really help people if you flipped your intentions about. -So like I say, you’re really good at hurting my feelings still but I know now, that you’re talking shit”.

“I know now that when you go out of your way to bring me down, you’re trying to superficially gas yourself up, to give yourself energy. Your trying to puff yourself up with all the satisfaction of my pain to make yourself seem and feel like a massive fee-fi-fo-thumb giant when in actual fact you’ll never be anything more than an angry little thought gremlin shaking in it’s silly little twirly pointed boots, barely reaching head height to my knees”.

“Objectively, and subjectively, -even though my brain hasn’t fully recalibrated with what that means, currently- I don’t know how anyone else copes with life when met with the lows and the stillness of perceived stagnation. I just don’t. And neither do you, you silly little full of shit thought gremlin. You like to speculate and make up random shit to fill in the blanks of unknown. But really you don’t know and neither do I. And neither does anyone else”.

“Everybody’s fighting a battle unknown, one where their methods of survival and cope are varied and valid. I don’t deserve judgement for that as much as the next person. Who are you to judge mine? Who am I to judge mine? We’re all just trying our best. In a world full of veneers, the least we deserve is to be able to cope in peace without internal interrogation systems of shame running rampant in our minds”.

“So, little full-of-shit thought gremlin I think you should kindly take your leave from me. You can come back once you’ve worked out how to speak with kindness instead of with hate and malice”.