My whole life people have told me that I need to stand up for myself.

That I’m spineless.

A cowardice doormat.

I never quite got what they meant because in my eyes, I was standing up for myself.

I would shout back-at bullies-and sometimes try and physically fight back~which I was terrible at.

It wasn’t until recently that I realised that sometimes, standing up for yourself doesn’t mean fighting back, it means walking away.

Walking away, refusing to fight back….just ending the chapter.

Sometimes it’s better to just cut contact and never look back.

Even if that person meant the world to you.

In walking away, I’ve done the best I possibly can for myself.

I’ve decided that although I don’t fully like myself yet (full self love will probably come later in life(hopefully)), I like and respect myself enough to say, “no, you will not treat me like shit, if you treat me like this, you can no longer be a part of my life”.

“Even though you were an important part of my life and I have many good memories with you, that does not make your behaviour excusable. If you think you can treat me like shit and I’ll let you, you are wrong”.

I think that’s the mistake I made in the past.

I was so desperate to have someone to talk to…to have real friends, that I couldn’t walk away.

No matter how many times people did horrible things, I just kept trying.

Blinded by desperation.

Now, I can walk away.

Now, I’m okay to be on my own.

I have a good relationship with myself (as long as I don’t look in a mirror).

And I have good friends, who I don’t see as much as I’d like to but they treat me with respect.

They respect boundaries and stick with me through the good and the bad.

I don’t see them as often as I would like but I know that their there.