Tag / Original Piece

by introvertontheinternet

Sexy Time?

Do you ever try and get down to have some sexy time with yourself?

Trail a hand up your leg.

Wee rub of the nips.

Just to feel a sadness like never before wash over your whole entire being.

“Maybe you should just kill yourself”-the thought gremlin in your head whispers.

“Nah”-I say.- “I just wanted a wee bit of sexy time to make me feel okay, good even…I’m not gonna kill myself over that, that’s stupid”.

“Maybe you should kill yourself because you’re so far behind in life-everyone else has put down the weed and is getting on with their life. You need to get a grip”-the thought gremlin muttered again.

“Objectively that’s not true”. 

“You’re lying to me to make me feel bad”. 

“I know, and you used to listen”.- The thought gremlin grumbled indignantly.

“You still hurt my feelings that’s for sure”, I said as I looked down at its impatient face, all puckered like in the perpetual state of sucking on a lemon. “I probably shouldn’t tell you that but you do. You’re so good at hurting my feelings-it’s a real talent you’ve got, somewhere between the gift of the gab and schoolyard bully. You could really help people if you flipped your intentions about. -So like I say, you’re really good at hurting my feelings still but I know now, that you’re talking shit”.

“I know now that when you go out of your way to bring me down, you’re trying to superficially gas yourself up, to give yourself energy. Your trying to puff yourself up with all the satisfaction of my pain to make yourself seem and feel like a massive fee-fi-fo-thumb giant when in actual fact you’ll never be anything more than an angry little thought gremlin shaking in it’s silly little twirly pointed boots, barely reaching head height to my knees”.

“Objectively, and subjectively, -even though my brain hasn’t fully recalibrated with what that means, currently- I don’t know how anyone else copes with life when met with the lows and the stillness of perceived stagnation. I just don’t. And neither do you, you silly little full of shit thought gremlin. You like to speculate and make up random shit to fill in the blanks of unknown. But really you don’t know and neither do I. And neither does anyone else”.

“Everybody’s fighting a battle unknown, one where their methods of survival and cope are varied and valid. I don’t deserve judgement for that as much as the next person. Who are you to judge mine? Who am I to judge mine? We’re all just trying our best. In a world full of veneers, the least we deserve is to be able to cope in peace without internal interrogation systems of shame running rampant in our minds”.

“So, little full-of-shit thought gremlin I think you should kindly take your leave from me. You can come back once you’ve worked out how to speak with kindness instead of with hate and malice”.

by introvertontheinternet

Crud&Claw

Oh sorry, I just fell

down the back of the sofa.

Got lost in all the crud

& shit I

forgot I got lost down there.

I thought I was

just a ball of cathair

& crud

for a while there.

The cathair I minded

not so much.

But the crud would

weigh me down.

Block me out.

Untethered &

in despair.

I thought I was going nowhere.

Then a

cat claw came down

& spiked

me in the

eye.

I thought I was

ready to

die.

Until,

Pulled up

from the crud

by the

claw

piercing my eye

I saw the

horizon

start to rise.

The sun breaking the clouds

I remembered

my wings.

I remembered

my soul.

I remembered how to breathe

and sing.

by introvertontheinternet

A Lesson On Substance Abuse Monologue

This is a monologue that I wrote and performed for a piece of community based theatre I was part of in 2023. The performance was centred around the theme of addiction.

~~~~~~~~

Welcome to this week’s class of Social Education, today we’ll be looking at Substance Abuse…

Now I know you may think that substance abuse is some glamorous party with a tragic poetic fall. A party that goes on and on and on. One that even as all of your friends fall away, you still find joyful, manic glee in. A safe solace away from it all. No harm ever to come your way…?

I hate to break the spell of Tumblr esq dreams but in reality it’s a slow decay, in which you watch all of your hopes and dreams slip away.

It might start with you doing it alone or with friends but in the end it doesn’t matter, you’re hooked on the feeling. And the feeling helps you “cope”.

You might like how it makes you feel more confident and open, in the moment might I add, or how it helps you dissociate and forget.

But in the end it all leads to the same place.

A place of disarray and self-decay. A place where you stop caring about what you look like, whether you smell or not, where you cut everyone and everything off.

A place where it’s just you and the drug of your choice.

All alone.

Let that sink in.

by introvertontheinternet

A Monologue from the perspective of a Parent who’s lost a child in a School Shooting

(This monologue is entirely fictitious, I personally have never experienced this horrific injustice of life. I wrote this monologue for a devised piece of theatre I was co-creating in college.)

~~~~~~~~

No parent is ever meant to bury their child. It’s supposed to be the other way around. You always think you have more time, so much so that you don’t even think about the time you have.
If I’d known that this morning would be the last meeting of our eyes in the waking world of this lifetime, I would’ve held you close and never let go.
I would’ve stayed with you, my arms wrapped around you until you got to school & I would’ve been your human shield.
And sure, I wouldn’t have made it home but at least you, my sweet baba, would’ve.