Category / Uncategorized

by introvertontheinternet

Overthinking

I think I’ve been thinking about this too much.

I keep worrying about what I can and can’t write about.

This may seem stupid but I’m low-key (high-key) terrified that if I write (talk?) about anything too controversial or that has a lot of stigmas surrounding it, my parents will shout at me. Or not shout, but give me the look.

You know the one I’m talking about?

The “wtf were you thinking, your so embarrassing” look.

I don’t even live with my parents and I don’t think they read this……

Plus, what could they even do?

Still gives me the fear for some reason though.

I’m also scared of people, people reading what they see here and using it against me.

I want to write about my experiences and views but I’m scared.

People online are scary.

It’s basically a lawless world out there.

I think I’m overthinking this right now.

******

I’ve been feeling very stressed recently, like life is throwing all the shit it can at me.

I’ve got a million ideas about things and about a million drafts but my head feels fucked. 

I can’t stop worrying about everything. 

I worry that I don’t post often enough, that I talk about myself too much, that nobody actually reads this. I worry that my blog isn’t good enough within the vast ocean of billions on the internet. 

That I’m depressing and annoying.

~I’m having another sleepless night, so if this doesn’t make sense, that’s why~

I hope y’all have a stress free Monday 🙂

by introvertontheinternet

Dating etc

Someone please take me into a field and shoot me.

I’m chatting ~trying to~to someone on POF (plenty of fish) and fuck me……I’m fucking things up, one awkward message at a time.

~I dunno why am on pof either, I think it’s because it seems to be where all the lesbians are at….I’m finding it really difficult to meet someone~

I don’t think I’m cut out for this whole flirting or whatever online. I mean, I’m not very good at it in real life either but at least, in real life, you can actually see whoever you’re talking to.

Also, it seems like everyone on the internet just wants a quick shag and that’s not really what I’m into…plus, I’m not very good at the whole sexy talk thing, Even though I can’t see who I’m talking to, it just feels like a super cringe-fest.

Sure, sex is nice or whatever ~apparently~but I don’t just want sex. I want someone that I can talk to and have fun with, like a best friend but with different boundaries. I wish I could find someone to have a nice, healthy relationship with.

But, alas, I will most likely die single, with about a million cats.

~I started writing this on Monday before the depression hit, so that’s where my change of contextual tone is coming from. I don’t even know if that makes sense, ‘contextual tone’, but fuck it, it has a nice wee ring to it….and it sounds like it makes sense.~

Sometimes I think it might be easier, to die alone, easier than constantly-when it comes to meeting people or going out-having to come out. Being hit with shit like; “Are you sure? Have you ever even been with a guy? Maybe you just haven’t found the right man? And my favorite, the one that smashes through my psyche, like a fucking million tonne bus on fire, EVERY SINGLE TIME…..”you don’t look gay”.

I know sexuality doesn’t have a certain look or whatever but there are stereotypes and prejudices outwith and within the LGBTQ+ community, that make people think there are-[certain looks]. And as long as people have these false beliefs, people will struggle.

~I think that perhaps, I’m starting to make very little sense. It’s 8am and yet again, I haven’t slept and my brain feels like its turning into a mushy mess of depression, sleep deprivation, and a random-ass dictionary. I’ll probably update this at some point as I’ve still got a few things to say on this topic but for now, I’m just gonna leave it as it is.~

I hope y’all are having a fabulous morning, day, evening and night!

by introvertontheinternet

Random Thoughts

Do you ever feel like doing something really impulsive? Like, just randomly, while on a bus or train, bursting into a random ass dance party? Just letting go of all your worries about what people will think and letting whatever you’re listening to fill your soul?

 I feel like doing that a lot. I don’t think I’d actually have the confidence to ever do it but its funny to imagine. Sometimes I imagine the whole bus turning into a mad silent disco rave, everyone dancing and enjoying themselves, looking happy.

It’d be really cool if that actually happened, like as part some kind of program to improve peoples mental wellbeing…..First Dance-Happy buses…..ScotdanceRail…lol.

I wonder who I could pitch that idea to.

I feel like this is the kind of idea that would probably be shot down and I’d probably be asked questions about the intactness of my sanity or lack thereof. Maybe not though, you never know until you try I guess.

I think maybe I’ll pitch it to someone in a couple of years, once weeds been legalised and everyone’s chilled out a bit.

I don’t think anyone’s really chilled out at the moment, every day there’s a story about how ultimately fucked everyone and everything is. And if you think that’s bullshit and I’m just being negative, all you need to do is look at America and see that they have a reality tv person (I can’t find it in myself to call him a ‘star’ in any context, so he’s just a person~who is a massive cunt) as their President. What the actual fuck, with a fuckin moldy cherry on top? He’s an idiot. He’s a bigot and a truly hateful person. He’s also an idiot, did I mention? The fact that he’s not been impeached yet seriously concerns me and his behaviour online…..frankly, I think he is a serious threat to the national security of several, maybe all countries including his own.

One example ~of many~ of his sheerly disgusting nature is that he plans to put a limit on the number of refugees allowed into the US, bringing it down from an already measly 45,000 people to the diabolical number of only 30,000 people.

Really seems like a great guy doesn’t he?

So very charitable and kind, a true humanitarian soul.

No.

He’s a cunt.

Not a good cunt.

The worst cunt.

Anyhoo, before I write a whole blog book about everything inherently wrong and fucked up about politics and society or freeze to death (I’m sitting in a greenhouse), I gonna go.

I hope y’all are having a lovely evening, night, day and morning! 🙂

by introvertontheinternet

Vegan Cornettos

I planned to tell y’all about the residential I went on last week but my mind is feeling a bit too jumbled to remember stuff at the moment. So instead, I am going to talk about the ‘Vegan Cornetto’.

~Might be extremely boring…might not be~

I recently picked up a box from Tesco, not really thinking about it. I think it was the only cheap but nice looking thing I could see, so voilà…it bounced into my basket.

It was also 4am and I was losing the will to live.

On opening the box, there are four Cornettos; all of which are gluten-free and soy based. The actual ice cream looks like your bog standard Cornetto; a picturesque ice cream cone with professionally placed toppings. The dark chocolate of the topping is subtle but sweet, gorgeously accented by a sprinkle of hazelnuts. The actual ice cream is beautifully creamy without the heavy feeling that dairy products tend to bring. And finally, the crown of the Cornetto, the fucking heavenly chocolate cone that graces the bottom of every single Cornetto (to my knowledge)…..it was perfect. It was beautifully chocolaty, just pure, simple vegan perfection. It was so good, I had to double check it was definitely dairy free!

I would highly recomend, 1000000%  ^_^

I hope y’all are having a wonderful night, morning, day and evening!  ^_^

by introvertontheinternet

Sadness

Do you ever just feel sad? Like, for no particular reason at all?

I do, sometimes.

You’re probably thinking, isn’t that depression?

Nope.

I feel like with depression it’s deeper and darker…..with sadness, it’s more of a simple pain. Like a single snowflake hitting your shoulder in a thunderstorm. Rain thrashing all around you and yet only a single snowflake. The simple complexity of sadness. I type (say) “simple complexity” because sadness, much like the snowflake, is complex in its own right….but so simple compared to depression. Sadness is like an old friend, depression is the monster that used to live under your bed or in your wardrobe.

Did you know that snowflakes, despite their simple appearance, feature the whole electromagnetic spectrum of light? Isn’t that amazing? That something so small and so delicate and so seemingly insignificant is filled with a whole other world of beauty and light. Sadness is like that because without sadness you wouldn’t be able to appreciate the happy, joyous moments of your life and I think that that shows that snowflakes and sadness are one and the same.

~My friend is currently telling me all about how Pharmacies and Pharmacology degrees work and I’m not really sure why… I think I asked her something about a story she was telling me but I’m not really sure at this point. I now know a bit more about pharmacies than I previously did~

I hope everyone’s having a wonderful night, morning, day and evening 🙂

by introvertontheinternet

Early Morning Ramblings

I can’t sleep.

I feel really depressed.

Nothing new there.

I’ve been trying to correct my sleep cycle for a couple of days now, I know “a couple” of days isn’t really much at this point but I thought, at least, with the early mornings I’d get early nights. But *NOOOOO! (*emphasis on that), I don’t think I’m gon be sleeping for another few hours yet. I bet some of y’all be thinking that being online doesn’t help and it doesn’t. It really doesn’t. But neither does lying in darkness, being flooded with thoughts and worries about everything, waiting for sleep to creep up. So…I kinda feel like being online is the slightly better option for me at the moment.

I bought a load of Wasabi Seaweed Thins today. You are probably all wondering (if anyone reads this lol) why I mention this… And the reason is…no reason. I just enjoy them. Plus, writing-even though it’s just random shite-is saving me from boredom right now. Or depression. I think depression makes everything really boring, like all the colors have been sucked out of the world. It’s like walking around with your head stuck in a thick foggy cloud. It really fucking sucks. Obviously, there are things you can do to make it a bit easier but sometimes or often, you just can’t shake it off. It stays anchored in your chest and throat (or wherever you feel it) refusing to budge for the next few hours, weeks, months etc. Those times you just have to kinda ride out the wave, try not to let it overpower you. “Just keep swimming”, as Dorey from Finding Nemo famously said.

I think I’m going to try and get some sleep now, this took a fair wee while write despite how short it is. I hope y’all are having a lovely day, evening, morning and night! 🙂

by introvertontheinternet

Entry 1,2018

My friend just put a jumper on her cat……..a terrible opening line for a blog entry.

If I’m being completely honest, I don’t really know how to start this. All I know, in terms of this, is that I have a shit ton of ideas, thoughts and other crap in my head that I just need to dump out somewhere. So, behold…..Introvert On The internet has been birthed onto the infamous World Wide Web! I say (type?) “infamous” because, in all honesty, I find the internet to be a wee bitty bit scary. Sure, it has many great assets~such as creating connections across continents ~but I feel like there is so much bullshit. Like, an insane, crazy amount of straight-up shite. Fake news, fake tits, fake people…fake everything. It’s like the world is trying to hide, hide behind a massive mask.

 It seems as though everyone is obsessed with, infatuated with this need for likes. Which is totally natural but really quite sad in the aforementioned context. I’m not hating here, don’t get me wrong, I like getting likes as much as the next person….I just think it’s all a bit fucked up. 

~My friend’s cat (who’s called Milo ^-^) just ran out of her flat, which makes for a wee bit of~ ~excitement~Random cat updates are a thing in this entry which is A-Okay by me  ^_^ ~

And people, just random-ass people, who have 100,000,000 (this is a gross over-exaggeration) friends on Facebook. Wtf?! I’m sorry but nobody has that many friends. Or should I say (type?), nobody has that many real friends. 

I hope you enjoyed reading this entry and I hope you’re having a wonderful day or night, happy surfing peeps ^_^

Some coping strategies (for life) that I find helpful:

~Watching Vines

~Memes (cause there just fucking great) 

~Putting on headphones/earphones, blasting your ultimate dance tune(s), closing your eyes or sitting in a dark room (glow sticks are an option here) and pretending you’re at a rave. Go wild with your dancing skills, let the music fill your soul.