Month / July 2026

by introvertontheinternet

I’m Sorry

I wish I could go and visit you.

I’m sorry for all the times that I didn’t.

I was scared because you were ill,

I was scared.

So scared that you were going to die that I couldn’t even see you.

Pathetic.

If I could go back in time,

I’d come see you every day.

I’d make sure that you knew I loved you,

that we got to spend time together.

Instead of sitting,

getting stoned,

trying to pretend it wasn’t happening.

Trying to kill my own pain,

rather than putting my time to good use,

by spending time with you,

cherishing the time of a clock that was about to stop. 

I’m sorry Granny,

I’m sorry for not visiting you,

until the almost end.

Without you,

I feel like there’s no point in anything,

no point in getting up

unless I’m making you proud.

On the days that I’m not at college,

working towards my goal,

I feel nothing but 

sadness, 

guilt, 

shame,

that I’m not doing enough,

to be the best I can be.

I want to be the best for me,

but I also want to be the best for you.

I want to make you proud,

but I also want to make me proud.

I just want to be the best I can be.

The best friend, daughter, sister.

The best I can be.

******

I wrote this the other night when I was, for lack of a better term, mwi. Obviously, there’s a little bit of exaggeration but I do feel on the days that I’m not really doing anything that I’m wasting time…time that I could be using to create or work towards my career goals. I do have good days and they’re happening more often but I also have bad days and weeks but I guess it’s all part of the journey that is life.

I hope you enjoy reading it.

I hope y’all are having a wonderful Thursday 😊

by introvertontheinternet

Grief

Grief is like an ocean,

one minute your surfing its waves,

sun shining down,

a melancholy sadness

hangs in the air.

You remember all the times you spent together,

whether good or bad.

It’s sad and it’s painful,

but you accept that death is part of life.

Grief feels heavy.

Heavy like your wearing a suit made of rocks.

A suit made of rocks, a boulder at your heart

 of random memories,

the next,

your drowning,

being dragged down by rocks

your weeping into your coffee,

drowning in an ocean.

******

This poem doesn’t necessarily make sense but neither does grief.  

23/01/19

by introvertontheinternet

Got my laptop fixed. Woohoo!

Today I got my laptop back after it being broken for about a month or so….praise hallelujah I’ve got my electric baby back.

~My cat is my real, non-electric, baby ❤🐈~

When I dropped my phone in a bucket of bleach and it was fucked for a couple of days (until it worked the power of resurrection on itself), I was a wee bit bummed out about it but I wasn’t really that bothered. It was more of a blessing than a bummer kinda thing. But when my laptop suddenly died mid rapid research/netflix binge, I was absolutely fucking devastated. Although I didn’t actually take it into the shop until last week~due to anxiety but more on that later~the time spent without it has been, for lack of a better word, dire. Absolutely fucking dire. I know I could’ve spent my time reading or drawing or being creatively productive in some form-I did a bit-, but there’s just something about writing (and publishing, now) that I find life extremely boring without. I did put a few posts to paper but it’s just not the same…I like being able to share my work. Even if only 1 or 2 people, or even if nobody reads this, I like seeing my work, on my blog, for my own benefit. It makes me feel so proud that I’m managing to get my words out, managing to share my voice after so long of feeling trapped by anxiety. Anxiety is an on-going struggle for me but I’m taking steps to combat it; this blog being one.