A Monologue from the perspective of a Parent who’s lost a child in a School Shooting

(This monologue is entirely fictitious, I personally have never experienced this horrific injustice of life. I wrote this monologue for a devised piece of theatre I was co-creating in college.)

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No parent is ever meant to bury their child. It’s supposed to be the other way around. You always think you have more time, so much so that you don’t even think about the time you have.
If I’d known that this morning would be the last meeting of our eyes in the waking world of this lifetime, I would’ve held you close and never let go.
I would’ve stayed with you, my arms wrapped around you until you got to school & I would’ve been your human shield.
And sure, I wouldn’t have made it home but at least you, my sweet baba, would’ve.

Browns CBD Patches

This review has taken me a lot longer than I thought it would. When I first agreed to do it I thought I would have it done in a week…two weeks tops. But certain things in my life have gotten in the way. In the past I was scared to talk about these things because I was judging and hating on myself but now I’m at a place where I NEED to be honest. I have been struggling with addiction to thc for the last four years and it pretty much destroyed my life. It really helped me numb out certain traumatic events but it also numbed out my personality. Not completely because I kept up a very well applied mask most of the time but very much mostly. I stopped talking to my friends and family, stopped reading and engaging in pretty much everything that I enjoyed before thc, except from tv. It also made me severely depressed, anxious and worsened my eating disorder-although I wasn’t fully aware of these effects until, in light of developing psychotic type symptoms, I had to stop. I stopped for two months over the summer and was starting to feel a lot more like myself. But then my friend invited me to a small gathering and we got drunk and smoked and I thought maybe I can smoke it, maybe I’ll be okay. But it sucked me back in and I found my OCD getting really, really bad again and I found myself withdrawing into myself like a hermit crab as the tide rushes towards it. And the darkness of these winter months plus the continuation of lockdown….everything mixed together, it’s been really fucking difficult. I’m five days sober now, I really hope it continues.

Your probably wondering why I’m telling you this.

I’m telling you this because, without CBD I wouldn’t have been able to make it through the last few years. I’m pretty sure that I wouldn’t even be here today had I not found CBD two and half years ago. I’m telling you this because I want you to know how much of a real difference CBD has made to my life, how much it has really had a massively positive impact on my life. How it has helped me way more than any psychiatric and pharmaceutical pain relief has ever helped.

I wish I could share with every single person in the world how much it has helped me and I wish I could help them help themselves with CBD. Unfortunately it would extremely difficult to reach such a wide audience, as the whole planet, so I’ll just have to be content with however many people read this and hope upon hope that it helps at least one person.

I’ve been using CBD in some form or another for the last 2 and a half years now and recently Browns CBD reached out to me to do a review of their patches. I’ve tried other patches from other companies before and they’ve also been good but Brown’s have been the best I’ve tried that work by head on targeting my pain.

The Virus

An unseen beast,

it stalks its prey.

So small and invisible,

hard to believe,

there’s a chance it could be deadly.

Wash your hands and stay inside,

your only protector.

Beware the unseen hunter.

Protect the old

and protect the young.

Protect the sick,

and the healthy too.

But even then,

your not certain to be safe.

Beware the unseen beast.

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I wrote this the other day while out on one of my state-sanctioned hour long walks, while trying to get some semblance of meditation done. I’d stopped by a bit of water and was sitting watching swans and ducks bob by, wondering what their lives were like and what they were thinking, when the first few lines popped into my head and I just went with it from there.

I haven’t written on here, or anywhere else for that matter, in a long time because my perfectionism has been really bad and I’ve been terrified that everything I produced would be shite. That because my blog isn’t really the best looking aesthetically and because I don’t really know how to use WordPress or any website builder type thingy merjig, I was just wasting my time even trying.

But I know now that these are lies.

Sure, I find all this wordpress/blog building stuff really confusing and I feel like a total tube, cause I feel like I should know how to do it, but theres no reason why I can’t learn.

And so what if it’s shite, I can always learn from my mistakes and make it better.

My head likes to lie to me, it likes it wrap me in a tight blanket of self doubt and self hate and even though it feels so warm and familiar….it’s suffocating and today I say, no more.

I hope y’all are having a wonderful evening, night, day or afternoon! 😁

Remember to stay inside and stay safe, or stay protected and vigilant if staying inside isn’t an option 💪🏻❤️

This is the view I had while writing ‘The Virus’,
I hope you enjoyed it 🙂